Posted in Content

Content: My Princeton Summer Bonus! (That Time We Really Wanted Pancakes)

Photo Cred: Me! (The Siren Panera in downtown Princeton)

Yeah, okay, I said I was done with My Princeton Summer two weeks ago. I remember.

This episode doesn’t “technically” count, though. This snippet wasn’t written for, about, in, or around the writing group in which I wrote the other snippets I’ve shared from my summer at Princeton. In fact, I think I wrote it before I knew the group existed. This was just an elaborate Facebook post made in a sugar-induced delirium following a particularly frustrating squabble over pancakes.

The relevant backstory can honestly be boiled down thusly: There’s a popular breakfast joint in downtown Princeton, from which we attempted to get pancakes. At brunch time on Sunday. As a party of ten.

You can see where this is going.

It was a Sunday.

The expedition was scheduled to embark at 11:00am from the epic barracks of 2-Dickinson. In an effort to leave no man behind, however, we held the departure for over an hour to rescue our sleepy comrades. The journey you ask? A quest to feast upon the spoils of the most renowned pancake house known to Princeton township. We were tired. We were hungry. And we were ready for pancakes.

The warm afternoon sun beat down upon our shoulders as we made our trek down Nassau street, until we arrived at our destination. The line to enter was formidable, and the management seemed to be a gnarly bunch as well. We planned our combat strategy carefully, eager to ensure the success of our quest. Our decision to first tackle the line sounded like a brilliant battle tactic until the line and the management joined forces against us. “A party of ten?” the management scoffed. Left and right, he pulled people out of line behind us as we boldly stood our ground. The management mocked our efforts by maintaining their statement that the table would be ready in “a few short minutes.” At long last, the line yielded to our might. We rejoiced over our small victory! The management appeared to contemplate the issue, and for a long while, we thought they, too, would surrender. As the manager approached us once more, however, he did not bear a white flag, but rather the tiding that we would be seated separately.

The attack sparked a violent fury. Our ranks reassembled. We prepared to storm the restaurant. No one looked back as we fought onward to seize our tables– any small victory. The battle may have been lost, but the war was still being fought! As we settled ourselves, however, we quickly realized that we had lost three soldiers in our valiant blitz. The siren known as Panera had taken them hostage!

Locked in the sorrow of our reduced numbers, we stuffed ourselves into a single booth, scorning the management’s mandate to seat ourselves separately. We would conquer them yet! The terms of battle were now clear. We wanted our pancakes– and we wanted them together.

We attempted to expand our conquest to an adjoining table, but in a heated battle, the management once again stomped upon our pancake-laden dreams. We retreated back to our base table full of unbridled fury, but with stomachs still so empty. At long last, another conquest arose. We made the painful decision to split ranks in order to ensure our success. Three valiant soldiers seized the table in the great name of 2-Dickinson, and the management waved their white flag. Victory was ours!

The pancakes arrived. We devoured them with gusto. At long last, nearly three long hours after our initial quest began, we emerged victorious. On our long journey home, we were delighted to discover that our three siren-captured comrades had escaped unscathed! Once again, we were reunited!

What next? What other adventures will we explore? Find out on… the EPIC ADVENTURES OF EPIC 2-D!


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